I'm nothing
by JessicaStarCrossed
Summary: I'm nothing, nothing at all. They never wanted me, they all wanted me death—even my brother think that I'm nothing but a nuisance—so why I'm I still alive, breathing?-Ah it is because of Thailand, but she is the only one. "If there is somebody who cares and love you, is worth living for". You're to late, I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm already on the edge of breaking down.
1. Preview: The letter

_The day that they started to compare me to my brother...is the day I had_ enough _._

 _The day that they smother my brother with praises and compliments...is the day I had_ enough _._

 _The day that they showered my brother with attention, love and care...is the day I had_ enough _._

 _The day that my boyfriend cheated on me with my brother...is the day I had_ enough _._

 _The day that Thailand smiled kindly and warmly at me...is the day that makes it all_ better _._

 _But I have_ enough _. I'm_ tired, sick, miserable _of hearing the same thing over and over and over. Because after all—I'm_ nothing, nothing _at all—_ nothing _compared to my brother. I'm the_ nuisance _..._ I'm _the one who stains the picture—the single black sheep in a flock of white—_ the anomaly, the unnecessary and unneeded one _. Because after all...the anomaly, unnecessary and unneeded is just..._ nothing _._

 _But I'm_ tired—tired _of being second best, tired of making place for someone else—but above all—_ I'm tired of life _. Tired of living, breathing and_ pretending _that everything is okay and that what they said about me, didn't hurt me. But it hurts, it does, it's like,_ someone—some _unknown and unnatural force is pulling at my heartstrings in the most painful way, that my heart is tearing apart in to little pieces in an most agonisingly slow and most torturous manner. But it hurts more too hear that coming from your own family—_ your own flesh and blood.

 _Another stab in my heart, knives in my heart and words echoing through my head, needles in my head._

 _Another scar to add in the collection..._

 _This is the day that I will carry and fulfill their wish._ Nobody _can stop me, even if they begs the differ, even how much they plead, but it will ring the same in my ears._ Lies _._ Nothing _but lies and shallow words—after all—my whole life is a lie—that's why I know how to lie_ through the day—through my entire immortality.

 _I hope when I'm gone, they would be_ happier _. Would the world be better off without me? Would they_ celebrate my death _?_ Dancing _on my grave? Making a grand party that would last for days and speak over it years later?_

 _But I hope that Thailand would_ remember me _—and honestly I feel bad for her, I_ promised _to stay alive—and yet—_ I couldn't _—it was too much—too much for me to bear. I just_ can't—couldn't.

 _I'm sorry for that—I really am. Please forgive me, please. It would be another stab to my heart if you don't._

 _I hope—_ I wish _, that I finally would have the peace I seek. The peace I searched for my_ entire life.

 _Please don't forget me when I'm gone, please remember me... Love me and care for me like you always did..._

 _Please that is my last wish—and my only one..._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Italy Romano, Southern part of Italy and the two kingdoms of Italy; Naples and Sicily_

 _Lovino Angelo Vargas; the angel of destruction_

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 **A.N.:**

 **This is a two-shot, you got my warning on my profile, please check that out first before you read the second chapter, there is—would be—a lot screaming, shrieking and yelling and cursing to.**

 **If you can't stand the way someone would be yelling at the nation for accusing them for breaking our dear beloved Lovino, than I suggest you wouldn't read, it's extremely sad.**

 **Oh, another thing. I wanted to thank my super freakishly awesome friend The Forgotten Traveller or Elli to read it first and beta it for me. You should check her out and her story "Safe haven", it's super cool and don't forget the compliment the author (Elli) who wrote it.**

 **Also another thing. I'm working with her on her story "Off kilter", I suggest you read it first and you're like thinking, "Man this is awesome, I wish that I could work on it too!" The you can, just pm her, okay?**

 **Thats all, hope you enjoy, but this is the farthest thing from enjoying, so yeah... Until next time?**

 **-JessicaStarCrossed over and out~**

 **(ps: thanks for staying with me ^^)**


	2. Chapter I

**A.N.:**

 **Helloo~ lovelies! Welcome to the first actual chapter of this story! Too let's start! I'll begin with the usual bullshit of mine, but you** **probably are tired of reading the same warning over again _but_ ~ I like being difficult, it's an annoying character trait of mine. So, lets go, lets start~! Warnings; I don't own anything, the characters I used don't belong to me, they belong rightfully to mister ****Hidekaz Himaruya-sensei~if it wasn't for him, I** **wouldn't probably cry buckets writing this storyline.** **Well, that's all~!—for now.**

 **I hope you enjoy and buckle up because were going to a rollercoaster filled with lots of tears, depressing corners and tissues—lots of them!**

* * *

"Okay people! That's it for today!" Thailand announced (she was the host), her voice booming through the meeting room, bouncing off the wall. "Be here at one o'clock in the afternoon!" She continues. "Oh, and don't drink yourself silly in the bar," looking at Denmark, England and the Bad Touch Trio warningly, "I don't want to hear any complaints from the employees."

"Really, not even awesome bier?" Prussia asked pleadingly. "I love your bier! It's almost as awesome as German bier!"

"Not even my awesome bier." She decided, crossing her arms and glaring at him sternly and expectantly to reaffirm her decision.

Prussia whined and pouted childish, "B-but..." He persisted.

"No." Thailand said curt and stern, that little trick won't work on her! Not this time at least.

Denmark placed a hand on the albino's shoulder, shaking his head in disappointment, knowing that when she put her mind in to it, there is no way that you could change her decision. The Prussian looked at the floor sadly, no bier? Only water or coke—or in this case, Pepsi.

"Belt up, git!" England said playfully and punched him softly in the shoulder, trying to cheer his Prussian friend. Prussia responded with a small smile, mouthing a quiet "thank you".

Thailand chuckles at the friendly display. She wish that she could do that too—but, she can't—not anymore—that is.

"Holy shit, dudes!" America yelled brusquely, succeeding in scaring and startling the living day lights out who sat next to him—namely Lithuania, that poor bloke—whilst pointing a finger at Thailand. "Look who is laughing!" America announced happy.

All of them snapped their head where the angelic, deliriously, euphoric and simple divine voice came from. There she was, standing with a smile and joy in her soft, warm, caramel eyes. They didn't saw her nor hear her smile, she couldn't smile freely the same way she was used to. The last time she smiled was decades ago.

After the tragic and dramatic day, she was traumatized and shocked to death for a few days, she isolated herself from the world, only coming out to eat or meetings—that is what the rumors said. She did her work in her room, she didn't came out for guests only if her precence was highly and really necessary and needed. After a few years she came out again, starting to open up again, but her whole attitude and character changed. She cursed a lot more, she was easily angered and let her temper flare, not caring a damn. She was also more stiff and serious, always putting her barriers and walls up; highly alert and her guards was 24/7 up; she never put it down—only when she sleeps of course.

She tilted her head, "What, can't a person laugh?" She deadpans, not even bothering to keep the venom and sarcasm at bay.

"Sorry, we did not expected it. That's all." England was the first one to come back from the sort of hypnosis, later on the rest follows suit.

Germany clears his throat. "Why so late, Thailand? It's not that I mind, but-" the blond with icy blue eyes trailed off, but he got his point across.

"It's my national day, and my King asked me if I can come. Besides, we are good on track, plus I don't see any reasons why I should tell you that." She remarked dryly, her sharp eyes boring inside his skull, Germany flinched and winched at the same time, he should be used to her hard, crude and sharp manners now already, but, it always surprises to him no matter what, when, how and where.

"Sorry." He managed to say weakly.

"It's okay. I should have been this rude. My apologies." She apologized with a tiny weak smile—but it keeps them raising their hopes, they want that nation from those decades ago back, they don't want to lose her. Those little gestures, could become into something big, something she lost so long ago. "That's it, you are all dismissed."

Thailand watched when the other nations packed their belongings in the suitcase they brought along, also packing their computers, notes and etc. She made a mental node to cal the local bars and other bars out the city for the so called 'awesome' Prussian guy, a flirty Frenchman, a carefree and tomato loving Spanish man, a English gentleman with huge eyebrows and a Danish brute to not let them in at any cost of serve them any alcohol. I don't want to have to repair the damage when they are completely drunk of their own asses, she thought with a gruf, rubbing her temple—knowing whatever she do, they still going to try going to a bar. Damn those European bastards to Hel!

While she was having a inner conflict with herself the door burst open rivaling smiling young faces.

"น้องสาว (sister), พี่สาวคนโต (big sister)!" A happy voice called out to her in their mother tongue, it was a petit child from a year of six or seven years old, with wavy and spiky but soft dark chestnut hair—the same hairstyle like Denmark. He has big caramel brown eyes, which is shealded behind black wire glasses. Wearing the same clothes as her military clothes, only she wore a white matching skirt and brown boots. He dressed more casual, the white jacket was open, reviling a navy blue t-shirt with white matching slacks rolled up to his ankles and wearing slippers. He jumped onto, her clutching on her left arm because the right was already accupied with the bag full documents and notes, looking at her with happy and cute caramel eyes.

How adorable, she thought for a moment. She puts her stuff down, looking at her little brother that was still clutching her left arm like it was a lifeline, with a fond smile before Iifting him up in the air, spinning him around and propping on her hips. Asking how his day went and what he all did in the meantime when they were in a meeting, in their mother tongue. His eyes lit up with glee and delight. He happily chatted away.

In the meanwhile there was another horde of kids. Jumping to their own brothers or sisters or only in America's case, to their father. He has fifty children's, those children's represent his states.

"Big sister." He speaks just to get her attention.

She hums in response, telling him silently that she's listening to whatever he wants to say or ask.

"Can you tell us a story, please?" He pleads with puppy eyes.

"Yeah, pretty, pretty please!" London or her human name is Alice, chimes happily.

All the children chant in unison.

"Now, now, Alice, " England responds calmly, "you obey someone to do it if he or she doesn't want to."

"I'm sorry." He apologises, her facial drops to that one of a kicked puppy.

"It's okay, Alice." The host smiles gently, "You know you can ask me anything you like. Certainly if you want to hear a story." She says kindly.

All the children are cheering loudly. She walks to her seat, sitting on it and lifts her little baby brother on her lap. The petit brunet cuddles in her chest, making himself as comfortable as possible and she puts her arms securely around his waist. All the other nations follow her example. "Now," she begins, "what kind of story do you want to hear?" She asks, she was always gentle and motherly around children—she was a certain warmth in her voice that makes it so welcoming.

"How about a sad story?!" The little child that was sitting on America's lap responds first. The kids are talking under each other to get a agreement—they look a lot like them so it was funny to hear them talk, it was like they were in a meeting and discussing things. It makes them—the nations—laugh silently.

"A sad story, huh," she repeats, she never has told a sad story before. She has a variety of stories ranging from Greek and Roman mythologies to romans, even Shakespeare, fairytales from the Grimm brothers, long poems from Homer or Homerus one of his famous work; The horse of Troy, over pirates, conquerors, kings and Queens, wars and Indians and different culture and also something that happened recently she told it in her own version—it was always fun— and etc. and etc. … It would be a challenge that's for sure. She ponders, and I have the perfect story in mind.

"So, ladies and gentlemans." She says in a deep low voice, "let's us begin with diving back in time." She knew she has catches most of the attention and she seems satisfied with that but there is a glint in her eyes some of nostalgia, "Let's dive back in the past, a decade ago." All the representatives of the nations look bewildered, shocked almost and Thailand smirks, but it's not a mocking one but more of pain and sadness.

She's going to tell _that_ story.

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 **A.N:**

 ***smiles* Hello again! It hasn't been a while hasn't it? (for this story anyway) Well, this was short, I kind of expected it to be longer, somehow, I changed my perspective a bit just 'cause. I actually finished writing this a couple months** **ago but I wanted to make it with the actual story inside but I changed my thoughts right now, because I still need to write a whole scene and that itself is already a chapter and that would take even more months, so yeah, the decision was quite to make—I didn't even hesitate. So, here comes the brilliant idea! Why not make two separate chapter for the story? And I was like _bam_!—hell yeah, I'm a freaking genius! Haha. **

**Anyways, this is a small cliffhanger but for the story there would be this one major cliffhanger that would problem makes you guys think; "What the actual _fuck_? How could you do that to me, that so freaking mean! How could you let us hang like that?! It's not fair!" and other stuff and writing this story made me so over emotional, I was crying in my depress corner whilst writing it with heavy tears rolling down my face and scream to the gods why I eve started writing this! **

**Enough now~, enough blabbing around! I'll surely see you guys later for now, stay tuned!**

 **Sincerely,**

 **-JessicaStarCrossed**


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